Sorry, Emily’s Boobs, But Christmas is CANCELLED (Episode 5x12) #RIPMona

Bitch, Please of the Episode:  Alison is A and Emily is a sad, sad puppy. 

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To Catch A Predator of the Episode:  If the Montgomery’s inviting Fitz over for Thanksgiving dinner isn’t a cover for a sting operation during which Chris Hanson will be presenting the turkey we’ll be pissed.

Tyra Collette Feels of the Episode:  Every time Tyra Collette talked about going to college do you know who was drowning in a puddle of their own tears? US. So Hanna, you go find your Tami Taylor and you get into college! You can do this. We likely won’t be able to watch you doing this without bursting into tears, but YOU CAN DO THIS.

Of All The Wardrobes In All The Closets of the Episode:  Paige chose Aria’s.

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Heavy Foreshadowing Be Damned of the Episode:  Watching this episode for the first time is like waiting for the plot twist. You see the clues leading to Mona’s #fAtalFinale. You hear her asking who died and saying that she has to survive senior year. You’re introduced to her mom who is a seemingly flawless woman who donates food to the drive and worries that her daughter is being bullied again. You see her excited to be surprised by her favorite cousin at Thanksgiving. And you know that Mona is getting all this screen time because it is her last curtain call. But no! It can’t be! This show is notorious for surprising you! This all must be a red herring! But then it happens. And it’s like…flames…flames…on the side of my face. No wait, those are tears. Mona is dead and our emotional state can be summed up as follows:

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Taking Our Anger Out On The Bed Buddies of the Episode:  TOBY, WE HATE YOU FOR BEING THE FAKEOUT. FITZ, WHY DIDN’T YOU EVEN COME CLOSE TO DYING?! I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON ALL THAT PIE. CALEB, YOU’RE BASICALLY A GHOST ANYWAY. WHAT WOULD IT HAVE HURT IF YOU HAD DIED INSTEAD?! PAIGE, YOU’RE AN IDIOT. WHY WOULD YOU GO CHASING AFTER CONFIRMED SOCIOPATH ALISON DILAURENTIS?! LIFE IS SO FRAGILE! 

Farewell, Mona Vanderwaal of the Episode:  Every time you apologized, we always half believed you. And we will remember you every time we take the last carrot stick.

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We’ll always have…

No One Here Can Love or Understand Me (Episode 5x11)

(that is some Order of the Phoenix-level teenage angst in that title there) 

No One Here Can Love or Understand Me of the Episode:  This show never fails to make me feel dumb. Orphan Black is easier to understand than this show. To quote Buzzfeed:  ”But like. You are a mature, intelligent individual. And you can’t keep up with this ABC Family teen drama.” EXACTLY.

Things I Understood of the Episode:  A very short list events in this episode that I did understand:

  • Ezra declares that neither Alison’s alleged kidnapper Cyrus Petrillo or his many aliases are legit citizens (duh…he’s from Sicily!).
  • SPACE CADET TOBY CAVANAUGH really needs to work on his interrogation technique.

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"The stripes represent my jailbird spirit and the plaid represents the couch I pass out on every afternoon! It’s my aesthetic!"

  • Rather than talk things out with Emily, Paige goes on a movie date with Ned (I’ve decided to call her Ned…try to stop me…JUST TRY).
  • Spencer’s most recent emotional breakdown manifests itself as reciting Shakespeare to a computer screen. I approve.
  • In order to wrap up this whole Ravenswood storyline as quickly as possible, Hanna and Caleb have this exchange:

Caleb:  Ghosts!

Hanna:  Uh huh. I’m with you.

Caleb:  Curses! Demons!

Hanna:  Seems legit.

Caleb:  Ouiji boards!

Hanna:   I’m familiar.

Caleb:  Fireflies! Millions of fireflies!

Hanna:  Millions?! That’s ridiculous. Okay honey, it’s nap time now. 

That’s all I’ve got. Please accept this as an apology for my complete lack of insight in this recap. Join me for live-tweeting fun tonight?

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Thanks for reading!

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(Source: craylittleliars)

A VERY SHORT RECAP (NOT REALLY A RECAP) OF TONIGHT’S EPISODE:

acquiescently:

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