unmAsked: Ezra Put Yo’ Mask Back On

Alright, this is IT. Season Finale. A is revealed. We so hope that our predictions are right. Fingers crossed…

So enter the episode in the creepiest place in Rosewood, Spencer’s house, the girls are sitting around watching the news about Garrett killing Ali. They figure out that Jenna handed in page 5 of the autopsy report and that Garrett has pleaded not guilty. Then BAM Melissa shows up. She has a shady look on her face, says that she knows how Jenna went blind, she knows about THE JENNA THING, and that if Garrett did kill Ali then Ali deserved it. Then Melissa asks Aria if she’s eating her ice cream. The answer is yes, you should always want to eat your ice cream, it’s ice cream. But Aria isn’t the smartest, says no, gives it to Melissa and then Melissa thinks that it is peanut butter but Aria corrects her saying its toffee. We ask ourselves, when do toffee and peanut butter ever taste alike? Never. Melissa’s taste buds are way out of whack. 

Casually talking about murder over ice cream.

As soon as Melissa leaves the girls get a group text and we cheer! Yay!

You still have something that belongs to me. Bring it, or one of you leaves in a body bag. - A

And we find out that Hanna is doing a good job keeping A’s phone locked up in her closet, for no one. A messenger comes to Spencer’s (A messenger? Still? In 2012? Really? Maybe only fancy rich people still get those.) and A invites them all to the Rosewood Junior Society’s Masquerade Ball. Aria’s invitation has another A message:

Be there when the clock strikes midnight. - A

Spencer then gets real close to the window and talks about how Hide and Seek was her favorite game to play with Melissa because she always won. GAME ON.

Later at school, Hanna, Aria, and Emily are still talking about how Melissa could be A. Then Aria tries to make a point but ends up making no sense instead.

"Yeah, and now she wants to kill one of us. Parties to body bags go together like drinking and driving."

Wait, so they don’t go together at all? So you aren’t worried about being murdered at the masquerade?

Then Emily, who is the most boring character (and Kelly’s least favorite PLL), delivers the best line of the episode:

And she can’t throw them very far, obviously.

We applaud you Emily, way to get hilarious. Aria is a little grossed out though:

"Ian’s fetus? Em, that’s disgusting."

Then we see a nice shot of Aria possibly the worst outfit we’ve ever seen on her. Worse than the Snooki leopard print plastic skirt. It hurts us more than that disaster.

Hanna makes a comment about how Melissa is the only person smarter than Spencer so Spencer walks up to the girls and tells them how smart she is. Duh. Meanwhile Spencer is carrying around Ali’s bag o’ crap around, because they’re all convinced that Spencer’s house breeds shadiness so the bag needs a new place to stay.

SIDEBAR: Doesn’t Melissa live in Philly? Why is she at her parents house all the time…Personally we’d get the heck outta there.

Then Mona pops up, wants the girls to go vintage shopping with her. Calls Jenna “Blind Jenna”, Noel Kahn “Noel Con Man”, and Toby “Seeing Eye Toby.” We love these. They are ahotpieceofA approved. Then girls give bad excuses on why they can’t go with her (Actually, Aria doesn’t even bother to make an excuse. She’s not really on top of her game today.) so Mona gets sad that she’ll be alone. Tears.

Oh hey, the girls are just HANGING OUT IN EZRA’S APARTMENT. WHATISGOINGONHERE??? We’re not okay with that. How is apartment even still open? Isn’t Ezra unemployed and living at his parents? You don’t just keep your apartment after that, you get rid of it and save your money. Reason 48374938 that Ezra is an idiot.

Hanna sits down on Ezra’s bed and gets a text from Mona who has found Caleb and knows that Hanna lied about having to study with him after school. Hanna is frustrated about lying to everyone and lies down on the bed. Aria asks her not to do that because the bed is “sacred ground”. We want you all to know that we vomited everywhere. It was gross. Not the vomit, the comment.

Hanna run to a shower immediately.

Then we wondered, where does Hanna keep her “sacred” tent?

I bet A knows…Is Ashley allowed to use the “sacred” shower? Or is that off limits?

Whatever happened to Spencer’s Nana’s “sacred” couch?

If Hanna keeps this up at this rate, Rosewood will be a “sacred” town all in itself.

After we get done thinking about that, Spencer finds a pen in Ali’s bag that says “Doughtery’s Landing” on it. She uses her smart brain and figures out that it is the air strip in Greenview that Ali landed on with Duncan on the weekend she disappeared. Way to go Spence. The postcard they found is from a motel near the airstrip called Lost Woods Resort so they head on over to check it out.

Naturally, it is a stormy night. Every night that you go to a creepy motel is a stormy night. Spencer is driving and almost hits something/someone, they all scream but somehow Emily keeps her shit together and says to keep on movin’. Emily:  surprising us every single time we watch her.

When they pull up to the motel a creepy creepy-looking man named Harold pops up at Emily’s window and ask if they want a room. At this point, we’re guessing that this is the face Emily makes when she pees her pants.

Spencer signs in as Mary Smith. You’re so subtle Spencer, what a creative fake name. Mary, err Spencer, convinces creepy, sad man to give them the keys to Room 1. It seems shady, but dang, those girls are brave. 

Obligatory creepy/lonely character.

Hanna falls in the mud. We laugh. Oh Hanna…

"Ahhh! Help! Somebody get me a cookie!"

The girls go into Room 1 and start tearing the room apart. Emily and Hanna fight about who is colder, so Spencer and Aria are the only ones left to break into the office to get the registration book. Spencer compliments (we think) Aria on her braveness in a way that makes no sense:

Spencer loves talking about Aria’s tiny frame. It makes her feel superior.

Aria and Spencer sneakily crawl through a window and break into the office. Aria thinks that the portraits are staring at her. Hey Aria, this isn’t Harry Potter, the pictures aren’t coming to life, seriously, they may have had those in Iceland but this is Greenview home girl, not happenin’ here. 

Meanwhile Hanna decides that it is shower time and Emily judges her. Hanna ignores her, because no one really cares about what Emily thinks #honestly. Then Emily gets a phone call from Maya and because she doesn’t have service inside of the motel on a stormy night she goes outside and leaves Hanna all alone in the shower. Terrible friend. Doesn’t even lock the door. We really don’t like her. 

Eureka! Aria and Spencer find out from the registration book that Ali checked in as Vivian Darkbloom the day before she went missing. BUTWHATDOESTHISMEAN?

Hanna is having a nice shower then we see an A like figure run past Emily outside. And because Emily doesn’t think to lock the door, A walks into the motel room. We see A’s shadow behind the shower curtain.

We get scared. Real scared. Hanna is the best and nobody is allowed to hurt her.

Thankfully a phone rings, A runs, and Hanna is saved by the ringtone. She notices when she gets out of the shower that the door is wide open and she is terrified.

All of a sudden it is morning, Spencer is drinking coffee and analyzing the registration book. This is how we imagine Spencer in our minds, caffeinated and analytic. 

Apparently A is staying right next door because s/he decides to get creepy, takes the picture of a bird off of the wall and looks through a peep hole to spy on the girls. Gross. (Not as gross as Ezra and Aria’s “sacred ground”).

Then A sees all of this:

  • Spencer agrees to give the registration book back to Harold. 
  • Spencer declares that she and Aria are “Team Sparia.” (We wish there was a Team Spanna. We would totally be on that team.


Nothing bad happens to Team Sparia in this episode. Coincidence, or not? Meanwhile Hanna and Emily get their hearts ripped up. Sad.

  • Hanna is sad because Caleb can’t go to the Masquerade with her, his mom is better than her. She says that her costume needed a partner because she was gonna be Juliet. She’s still bitter that she didn’t get the part in the 6th grade play. Emily confesses that she wanted to play Romeo so Hanna asks her to go to the dance with her. Awww. Emily agrees to be her date but says that she won’t dress like a dude. The line has been drawn.

Back to non-A-creeper vision. 

We learn that Harold is back so the girls bolt. 

Spencer drives over to Jason’s house and of course finds Toby cleaning up all of the burnt junk. #guilty Spencer tries to talk about her feelings because she is obviously having a whole lot of them.

Spencer’s feelings are always a bit angry. Coffee is not strong enough to wash this pain away. We suggest getting pissed with Wren.

Toby is having none of it. He hates her. As Spencer pulls away Toby gets a phone call from Dr. Sullivan. Dr. Sullivan? We thought she was living in the Bermuda Triangle with Somalian pirates…What does Toby have to do with this?

Jenna is out driving, because you know she’s not really blind and even though everyone thinks she is getting a car to drive is easy, no big deal. She goes and meets up with someone. Who, you ask? We have no idea. Jenna talks about being so happy to see this person again and how “they” all will be at the party. She hands something over to the mystery person but all we realize is how old Jenna looks sans sunglasses. Like, really old. 

Anti-aging secret = sunglasses, all the time.

Cue Leona Lewis’s “Better in Time” and all of the liars dramatically enter the masquerade in THEWORSTDRESSESEVER. The girls decide that they have to stay together in order to conquer A and then they immediately go their separate ways.  What???

Caleb shows up, surprises Hanna, and we find out that Mona told Caleb to come. How sweet. 

Spencer approaches Mona and they bond about the friendship that Mona and Hanna share. Mona brings up Brookhaven, because the vintage store is there, and Mona tells Spencer that it was the last place she saw Ali, one week before she went missing. 

FLASHBACK MOMENT TO NERDY MONA: She sees Ali (actually Vivian) and asks Ali who she is watching. Mona gets annoying and then shows how she can manipulate people by telling Ali the only way she will leave is if Ali makes her popular. So Ali/Vivian gives Mona her number (215-469-3561 we’re too scared to call this number, but you totally should and tell us what happens) on the other half the motel postcard and then leaves. 

Braids + glasses + turtleneck = nerdy

Spencer asks Mona about what Ali was watching and a bunch of other questions. Mona tells her that she is lost in all of this A business so Spencer spills everything to Mona. Spencer thinks that Ali was watching A in Brookhaven and then followed A to the motel.

Aria is a corner of the masquerade, chillin’ and then we see a masked person in the other corner. She follows Aria around a series of weird mirrors and takes off her mask to reveal that she’s Jenna! We realize: EVERYONE WILL NOTICE THAT SHE DOESN’T HAVE HER WHITE CANE. She sucks at being secretive. 

Peak-a-boo!

Ezra shows up. Confesses his love. They hug. We vomit. They dance together and we notice RIGHT AWAY that Aria’s gloves look super similar to A’s gloves. #secretlyshady 

Emily is on the phone with Spencer and Spencer is explaining her epiphany about Room 2. The reason that no one checks into it is because it is RENTED BY A. High five Spence, high five. So naturally Spencer and Mona decide to go back to the motel to figure out what is going on in Room 2. 

Spencer drinks tea with Harold to distract him while Mona steals the key to Room 2 and she tries to make jokes but they fail. Spencer and Mona break into (unlock the door to) Room 2 and THEY LOOK HORRIFIED.

Ezra and Aria dance together at the dance. Ezra takes off of their masks, they want it to be a big deal, but no one really cares at all.

EZRA PUT YO’ MASK BACK ON FOOL!

They kiss and we try not to think about it and instead stare at Aria’s A gloves. We do notice that Ezra was looking super skinny and are wondering if he has taken the vegan French food to a new level of EVERYTHING VEGAN ALL THE TIME ALWAYS. #vomit #relationshipsandveganism

Meanwhile, Emily is the only person at the dance without a date (Hanna has ditched her, sad) and with her priorities in line and is standing around looking worried when Paige approaches her. Somehow she looks relived, even though Paige once tried to drown her. #neverforget

Back to Room 2, there are pictures EVERYWHERE. Not only of Ali but of the other PLLs too. And other weird things. Like a clown mask. Yuck. 

To be evil you’ll need a lot of filing cabinets and collage skills.

Paige and Emily are talking about feelings. THEN ALLIE MOSS’S “DAYS I REGRET” PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND. We love her. We met her and she was super nice. She is Ingrid Michaelson’s bandmate/right-hand gal/BFF. So yeah, we got excited about that. Anyways, Paige is doing yet another love confession with Emily, telling her how she messed it up. Yeah, kinda like when Paige tried to drown Emily. They agree to be friends. No discussion of benefits occurs so we better not be seeing any next season.

Back in A’s Lair we see lots of pictures on the wall. Then we see Bratz dolls of the girls and we think Bratz? Really A? Traaashy. Then Mona finds a drawing of the dress that A is wearing and it is Black Swan inspired. A is dressed as the black swan. We flash back to when we saw Black Swan in the movie theater. Joanna has a heart attack and Kelly is in the fetal position. History is repeating itself. Joanna still can’t stand to look at Natalie Portman.

Hanna sees the black swan at the masquerade and verbally wonders who she is. Why does Hanna care? She doesn’t know about the importance of the black swan yet.

Mona and Spencer are just hanging out together in Room 2. Mona offers Spencer a piece of gum with a weird/distinctive wrapper. At first Spencer says no and wonders out loud why the girls aren’t calling back. Then as Spencer finds Ali’s diary and starts to flip through it. We pause to read some of the passages:

  • Ali talks about how smart Spencer is and how she has to be careful around her or she will figure out what is going on.
  • A lot of shopping for new clothes and shoes is discussed along with how jealous everyone at school is.
  • Discussion of Noel Kahn’s Halloween party.
  • Plans to get Hefty Hanna to shave her head.

This actually makes us like Alison a bit.

  • Finding out that Byron is sleeping with his student. How aria will never tell Ella about it.  The phrases “He owes me” and “He’s cute but…old” are used and we assume this is in reference to Byron since it follows the talk of him cheating.
  • The phrase “that’s why I picked her” is used in a lot of the pages when discussing the PLLs. What did Ali pick them for?

Inside of the diary Spencer finds the SAME EXACT GUM WRAPPER THAT MONA OFFERED HER. SPENCER WHERE IS YOUR PHONE WHY ARE YOU NOT USING IT RIGHT NOW?

The girls sans Spencer are back together at the masquerade critiquing the crap out of the black swan. Hanna declares that she is tall, a size two, and she hates her. Then we see the black swan talking to Lucas and Jenna. Noooo! Lucas can’t be evil!

Spencer finds Mona’s cashmere sweaters in A’s lair just as Mona comes back. Spencer figures out that Mona is A. Mona congratulates her and hits her with something so hard that she’s out of it. 

Ali looks super happy about what’s happening.

Back at the dance the girls follow the black swan out of the building but she gets away but leaves behind a feather. How poetic.

The girls decide to call Spencer but Hanna’s phone isn’t working. You know, the ancient phone that Mona gave her. Emily takes a look at it and realizes that it is set to record every time it is turned on. Nice one Mona!

Spencer comes to and is in the front seat with Mona. Mona is driving like a madwoman going 102 mph and Spencer is not wearing her seat belt. Here at ahotpieceofA we encourage and celebrate seat belt wearers, but I guess Mona had bigger fish to fry. So then begins the conversation between Mona and Spencer. Mona offers her a place on The A Team and then Mr. T bursts out of the backseat. No, kidding, that didn’t happen, or did it? #WHOKNOWS. Spencer’s other option is to just disappear all together. 

The liars decide that now is a good time to video call Spencer. Spencer is smart and accepts so the girls see Mona confess to all of the terrible things. Evidently she acted as A because the liars stole Hanna from her and all she really wants is her friend back. Aww, poor Mona. Someone give her a hug. Spencer sneakily lets the girls know that they are going to Lookout Point and Aria knows a shortcut. OF COURSE SHE DOES. #skank

Hanna’s shock that Mona is A has paralyzed. We start to feel things. We don’t like sad Hanna unless she is also eating ice cream straight from the bucket.

HOW DARE YOU.

We find out that Mona has Mr. Hasting’s gun. Did she steal it from the Hastings’ house or was she talking to Jenna earlier and had it handed to her?

Naturally Spencer pulls the E-Brake and stops the car (Some of you reading this might not be drivers yet so we’ll just let you know that this doesn’t happen in real life guys. You can pull up the E-brake as hard as you’d like and the car won’t stop). Hanna almost hits Mona with her car (#revenge) but then decides not to. Spencer and Mona struggle, Mona falls off the cliff to her imminent death, we assume. 

The cops show up and so does Dr. Sullivan, (her husband, the Somalian pirate is there too, he’s just hiding)! Dr. Sullivan says that Mona threatened her son so she had to leave town. Interesting little fact. Her son just has to be someone we already know, don’t you think? #THEORY Dr. Sullivan tells Hanna that she is safe now, already startin’ the therapy sesh, so then the girls start crying. 

Psych! Mona is alive! A timer goes off on her watch. Time to blow up? Nope. Evidently its just midnight. The girls were supposed to have given the phone back to her by now. What will the rest of The A Team do to the Liars now? Will they let them keep the phone?

Anyways we find out that Mona is super crazy and was living in a perpetual state of hyper reality and she’s, like, really smart. 

Then the best part of them all. Mona’s inner dialogue. She talks about locks, windows, the liars, how she thinks she’s super amazing, and her toffee tango colored lipstick. Hmmmm…. Toffee…. Is she sure it isn’t peanut butter?

This makes Joanna really happy. Not only was she right about Mona being A, but it is looking like she was right about Mike being involved too. I mean, who likes breaking into houses? Mike.

The girls leave the police station with Dr. Sullivan and Toby is there! We find out that Toby helped Dr. Sullivan push through her fears. Wait, how did he find her? Cartoon face is there, savin’ people, helpin’ people, and being adorable. He admits that he’s loved Spencer this whole time. Spencer tries to hit him and then kisses him instead.

SIDEBAR: Cartoon Face/Toby is good! We predicted that! We’re so smart. 

Girls are walking home and they collectively decide to stay at Emily’s place. They hear sirens. Police. Drama. Emily’s mom runs out to Emily and says that they found a body, they think that it’s Maya. We flash back to when the actress who plays Maya was Kendra on Buffy The Vampire Slayer and was killed by a fingernail to the neck and wonder if this is how it happened.

GOOD IDEA.

We see Melissa standing by, holding onto Ian’s fetus (Melissa is ALWAYS holding her baby belly). Emily has a breakdown and goes straight to her ugly cry. We never liked Maya and Emily’s horrible taste in girlfriends has always annoyed us but at this point Joanna gets really sad for Emily. Kelly maintains her robotic composure and doesn’t really care at all although she semi-respects Em’s feelings. 

SO MANY TEARS.

Mona is now in a mental institution. She gets a visitor. Someone in a red coat (the Brits are coming!) shows up and Mona says that she did everything that they asked her to.

Mona actually looks better when she’s not all glammed up. We wanna borrow her hair crimper.

Donezo. DUN DUN DUN. More answers will have to wait until the season 3 premier on June 5th. SO MANY ANSWERS ARE NEEDED. 

Who do you think the black swan is? Could Aria be A or have something to do with A? Did you think of Mr. T during this episode?

How much do you love Allie Moss? Who was the person in the red jacket?